After reading the two articles about technological advances to help coping with breakups, I sit here rather speechless. Break ups for me, even though I've only really had two, were I guess "old school." The two of us would talk in person, and the conversations always went much better than if we ever had a small disagreement over text. The weeks following, I would avoid my ex as much as possible. This was mostly just to create the distance that neither of us were used to after being together for so long. To be able to move on, I do think that we have to lessen our interactions with the person. Nowadays much of these interactions happen through seeing/commenting on/liking/sharing posts on social media sites such as Facebook. While unfriending them is a pretty good option, many of these new tools are therefore highly valuable to those who just cannot control themselves from holding onto their ex for as long as possible.
I think that I am speechless because I never went through anything that caused me to even unfriend my ex online, although I don't use social media all that often. Today I am very close friends with both of my exes; of course, we had time apart to rid of that relationship feel, but now we are able to be civil and actually talk on a daily basis. Being honest, I searched their names every now and again when we weren't speaking to see how they were doing, or I would see their posts in passing as I scrolled. But no matter the circumstance, I never really felt the need to make it so that they could see my profile and posts but that I couldn't see theirs.
Do you guys have any stories or opinions on this further than what was said during class discussion? Super interested to hear from someone who thinks these tools are necessary for break ups.
I think that if the breakup was really bad, like if you’ve just learned he cheated on you, and you take it really hard, I think those tools may be needed. Or if you’re just getting out of an abusive relationship, then you’ll probably never want that person to see you on Facebook, so you may unfriend them. In my opinion, if I can see myself still being friends with my ex, then, either the breakup wasn’t that hard and I got over it quickly, or I wasn’t as attached to the person as I thought. So, in that case, these new tools wouldn’t be useful. But if we had been dating for a while (as in 2 to 3 years) and then broke up, I would probably not unfriend them, but I would definitely not want to be reminded that I just spent three whole years of my life with this one person and now he’s moved on and gotten over it. Maybe I’m just really sentimental, but this is the way I see it. All of this, of course, wouldn’t matter if I was the one doing the breaking up, because I don’t understand the people who breakup with others and then the ones doing the breaking up are the ones who are blubbering like babies. But that’s a whole other discussion for a different time.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason I removed my most recent boyfriend from my social medias was because the break up was terrible for me. Looking back it was not a healthy relationship so being friends with the boy would never happen. My other exes and I get along quite well because the majority of my breakups were mutual. The only reason I completely remove someone from social media is if I was badly wronged by the person or I do not know them anymore.
ReplyDeleteI hope that makes sense...
I can personally say that seeing a person post on social media that you had a past with can cause many different feelings. For example when one of my best friend's and I got into a fight that ruined our friendship. Anytime I see a post from her online I feel anger and regret. I didn't remove my ex boyfriend and every time I see a post I feel upset and jealous, which isn't healthy. I think that it depends on the situation.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jess. I feel like seeing someone you had a past with on social media brings up a lot of feelings. I think it would be easier to look them up and see how they're doing which can be negative for you. Seeing them doing better than you can be hard to see in certain situations.
ReplyDeleteWhen my ex and I first broke up, we unfollowed and unfriended each other on all social media because we just couldn't handle it. I really and truly did not want to see or hear anything about him, because it was really hard breakup for me. So for me, unfollowing and unfriending my ex on everything was definitely necessary for me to properly heal and get over the breakup.
ReplyDelete